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Whether you are sending your first student to college or you are a veteran parent, here are some tips from other parents of Ohio State students and alumni to help you and your student during this time of transition.
- Be supportive, not controlling
"Encourage your student to be willing to compromise and to work within whatever is in place to help them before they call you for help. Have them use you as a resource for ideas and suggestions but you should try to make your involvement almost a last resort. As parents, you will always be there to support your student. Try to help them to learn to handle things on their own."
- Communication is key
"The communication we have with our college student is very important. It will have even more meaning and be most helpful to our child if we learn and use their preferred means and style of communication as they grow into young adults. Phone calls are great (we found our daughter much preferred more frequent brief calls rather than longer ones less often) but technology is a huge part of the college culture. We got far deeper and more detailed information through instant messaging, chat rooms, e-mail and digital photo attachments than we could get out of our daughter on a phone call. Either ask directly, or carefully listen to your student and they will tell you the best ways to stay in touch and stay involved in their lives."
- Be a resource
"Ohio State is a large place that can be confusing and daunting. Your child will run into situations when they won't know what to do and they will call home asking for help. What should you do? Become familiar with the different departments at OSU so you can give them suggestions on who to talk to. Please resist the urge to tell them you will take care of it or you will make the call for them. Encourage them to take responsibility for themselves and make the phone call or pay the visit that is necessary to solve the problem. Your child may complain that they just don't have time but they need to learn how to make the time necessary. Unsure who to refer to them to? You can always suggest they talk to their RA or other residence hall staff for help."
- Urge them to stick around
"Encourage them to stay on campus for the first month to six weeks-- that's an important time for establishing friendships and becoming involved in campus life. BUT, recognize too that sometimes they just need to come home to rest, relax, and feel loved. They'll appreciate home (and family) more once they've been away for a while!"
- Ensure they know the basics
"Make sure they know how to write a check (they can't use a debit card for everything), make a hair stylist appointment, go to the health center if they are ill, change a printer cartridge, etc. Sometimes it's surprising what they don't know that you assumed they did."
- Anticipate up's and down's
"Be prepared to listen sympathetically when you get a call about the grade that's lower than expected, when there's a conflict with the roommate, when it's so far to walk to classes, when there's absolutely nothing to do... but don't be surprised when you get a call or message the next day about the fun activities in the dorm and all the new people they met, the A on a paper, the new club they've joined, and 'you won't believe who I ran into on campus today.'"
- Understand your role is changing
"Parents should set goals for the relationship that they would like to develop with their children as they become adults. Although full adulthood might still be a few years off, the relationship with your child begins to change substantially once they move away from home. Most parents that I know would like to imagine that their adult children will be their friends. Although the parent title is permanent, the relationship is bound to change."
- At times, an open ear is all your child needs
"When my children were toddlers, my grandmother gave me some wise advice. She told me that if I wanted to hear 'big talk' someday, I had to listen to a lot of 'little talk' now. I think that this remains true now that my children are older. You still have to listen to 'little talk.' Eventually, they actually call to talk about the 'big stuff.' And then, I try to only give advice when they ask for it."
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